Misery

I say I

absolutely will not hate myself

though

memories in muscles, tendons, ligaments

heart, belly

conspire.

They cannot speak

in words

yet

there is in every bloody cell tonight

lamentation

the unfathomable

unstoppable

nagging

that nothing ─

warm milk, the bath, the late-night call to one who loves me ─

soothes.

I want to be somewhere

not here ─

far from this day’s

boredom

co-worker’s harsh words

loneliness ─

to inhabit

some other body

that remembers

the cradle of capable arms,

the lullaby’s lilt.

Still I

sit with

breath

in

out

in

and wait

for tomorrow.